It's much easier to have faith in myself...

The last month has been like a rollercoaster ride. Not the kind where you're screaming for your life the whole time but when you get off you say "let's do it again". The kind of ride that's really exciting at first and then, as time passes, you just get nausiated from being thrown around and wonder when the ride will stop.

Brad and I are finally settled in to our place after about two weeks of traveling. All the traveling and being with family was the exciting part. I love to be with family. When we got back from Myrtle Beach, Brad and I finished unpacking and began our life in Raleigh. The first few days were busy...grocery shopping, Brad was studying for the CPA exam, getting new driver's license, and plates, new insurence, moving Brad's brother into college. Then, time seemed to stop. The real world moves so much slower than college. In college, there are so many things going on that you can pick and choose to be involved in. And, if you don't want to be involved in anything, there are always classes that will fill up the time. In the real world, for someone not necessarily going into the workforce, it's a little more difficult to fill the time.

I've contacted a few crisis pregnancy centers that I really want to be involved in, filled out applications, left contact information. I've done my part in these situations, and am now just waiting to hear back from them. I feel almost helpless. What else can I do? These centers are my first priority. It's hard to look for other things to fill the time when I don't know how much time I will be dedicating to the priority organizations. It's difficult to build a schedule out of nothing. I'm just waiting on God to make it all work out. But, I don't know how much more I can stand to wait and not make things happen myself. It's so much easier to take things into my own hands, to have faith in my own abilities and timing. It's so much easier to do what I want, when I want in relation to filling my time. I have even started looking for part-time jobs. This worries me a little because I know that if I get all wrapped up in a job and making money, it will be vary hard for me to not make it a priority and make time to use towards volunteering. I wonder what the Bible says about all of this...

Isaiah 30:18
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"

God's timing is not my own. I guess in all the excitment of moving and the hope for seeing God in Raleigh, I didn't stop to think that it takes time.

But what about combatting the urge to take things into my own hands? What is faith anyway?
Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is the assureance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
Faith = an expectation of an existance of something that is not visible

verse 3, "By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible."
It takes faith to know that God created the world and that what we see in creation was made out of that which is not seen.
In other words, God made something out of nothing.

verse 6, "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek HIm."
We cannot even come close to pleasing God unless we believe, by faith, that He exists AND that he is a rewarder.

I guess there's only one thing left say: " I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heard and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14

I hope to update the blog once a week. Of course, they will not all be this long or involved. I just though I would share what has been on my heart lately. The last week has been somewhat of a difficult time.

We love and miss you all,
B&T